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dear shari:
Shari Barnes answers your Human Resources questions.
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Submit your own question.
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Dear Shari,
It irritates me that employers don't have the manners to reply to an email…even if it is to tell me to go take a running jump at myself.
I'm looking for a job, and I understand fully that someone advertising a position is unundated with responses, a good many of which head straight into the trash…but even a stock/standard "no thank you…go jump in the lake" is better than the discourtesy of absolutely nothing.
...Kym
Dear Kym,
Without making excuses for employers who ignore e-mails (and resumes submitted in other forms), I think their bad manners fall into three categories:
1. They forget that real people with aspirations and anxieties are connected to those resumes.
2. They post a job description that is too broad, and half the world applies. Employers are gratified with the results, as though receiving 500 resumes is some indication of popularity. Then they're overwhelmed with the job of responding.
3. They're afraid of the legal implications of their reply. That may sound odd, but some employers are so concerned with how to word a rejection that they just avoid the whole thing.
Unfortunately, I don't have a quick fix for your problem. Perhaps we need a return to civility. A lack of corporate etiquette doesn't send a positive message to potential candidates. Employers beware!
Dear Shari,
Despite a flawless work record and the recommendation of my former boss, I was recently pass over for a promotion and now the new boss is going out of her way to make it uncomfortable for me to be in the department. She either completely ignores me or hovers, second-guesses and criticizes any and all tasks. I find I am increasingly excluded from pertinent department information, and I've learned she has made untrue and disparaging remarks about me to people outside the department. I feel I am being squeezed out or, worse, being set up to be terminated.
I don't feel I should have to leave, but I don't want to be unjustly fired either. Do I have any legal options?
...Bewildered
Dear Bewildered,
Unfortunately, you’re experiencing first-hand that life is sometimes unfair and hard work isn’t always rewarded.
You and your new boss are equally uncomfortable with each other. She knows that her successor recommended you for the job, so you may be an object of fear and anxiety for her. Being wary and suspicious of each other makes a miserable working relationship.
At this point, it’s unlikely that you have a legal case unless the company was guilty of discrimination in its promotional process; however, if your boss tries to fire you unjustly, then you have access to legal remedies. Even in a “right to work” state, an employer cannot capriciously fire employees without risking consequences.
Do you want to stay because the job is important to you or because you don’t want your boss to win? If this is a win/lose game, give careful consideration to your mental health. Would you be better off to begin a discreet search for a company with better promotional opportunities and wiser bosses?
If staying has substantial rewards, you and your boss must find a means of solving the conflict. Mediation is the best tool for this situation. You need an honest discussion about your working relationship, performance expectations, and the effect this conflict has on the two of you and others. If you don’t have access to a trained mediator, select a third party who can help you and the boss talk openly about the past and the present. But, most important, you need someone to help you structure a written agreement for your future working relationship.
Dear Shari,
I’ve had a secret relationship with my boss for two years. He’s married, with kids, and he doesn’t seem interested in making changes on the home front. I’m thinking about breaking it off, but I’m afraid that if I do it may hamper my chances for promotion. What should I do?
...I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No
Dear Girl Who Can’t Say No,
You’re smart enough to understand that your boss isn’t going to leave his home for you. In fact, you don’t seem terribly bothered by that fact, which leads me to believe this boss isn’t the love of your life. Since your primary concern is your job, do yourself a favor and find another one. I doubt that your relationship is as secret as you think it is, and your co-workers probably know a lot more than you suspect.
If you insist on staying where you are, your boss would be foolish to keep you from promotional opportunities whether you continue the relationship or not. Because of the imbalance of power in your relationship, he is wide open to allegations of sexual harassment and/or retaliation.
Dear Shari,
My boss and I have such a poor relationship that one day neither one of us will be able to hold back. What should I do as the employee?
...Red Headed Wild Cat
Dear Cat,
Do you anticipate a shouting match, fisticuffs or a shootout? While none of these is a successful solution to a poor working relationship, some have more serious consequences than others. As the employee, the very least you risk is a charge of insubordination which could easily lead to your termination. And what’s the chance that anyone else will hire you if you’re fired for punching out the boss’ lights?
When you have a calm moment, suggest to your boss that the two of you engage a rational third party to help you resolve this ongoing conflict. If you discover the source of your mutual animosity, you may be able to work out a plan for future disputes. A word to the wise: Employers are becoming increasingly intolerant of anything that smacks of workplace violence.
Dear Shari,
I am a conservative, church-going, family man, and I’ve always tried to be as tolerant as my conscience will allow, but my situation at work is causing me enough stress to test Job’s patience.
My story: I’m five years away from retirement after 30 years with the same company. We were bought out two years ago, and the place hasn’t been the same. The boss is a lesbian, and I think that’s a sin. Not only that, she insists that I work on Sunday even though she knows that church attendance is important to me. I can’t afford to leave this job because I need the retirement. But I can’t stand much more of her harassment. What should I do?
...Job’s Brother
Dear Brother,
Change is difficult, but it’s important that you separate the issues that are bothering you. Your boss’ sexual orientation is troublesome to you, but you’ll have less stress if you accept her for who she is. She’s not going to change simply because her sexuality makes you uncomfortable, and the workplace is not an appropriate venue for identifying other people’s sins. Remember that business about throwing stones.
You may have a real issue if your boss is denying you the right to appropriately exercise your religion. Title VII of the 1963 Civil Rights Act protects employees against religious discrimination.
Dear Shari,
My husband has been stealing from his employer for about six months. I ignored it when the items were small, but the merchandise lately has become high dollar. He re-sells these items at pawn shops because he says we need more money and his employer isn’t paying him what he’s worth.
I don’t want to report him to anyone, but I’m afraid he’ll get caught and go to jail. Our children are pre-schoolers, and they need their father.
...Scared but Loyal
Dear Scared,
Unfortunately, your husband is rationalizing his theft by blaming his employer for your financial problems. It’s almost certain that eventually he’ll be caught, especially if the thefts are escalating in value. Few employers will give an employee-thief a second chance, and many will press charges.
Offer to help your husband find better ways of dealing with your financial difficulties. What he risks at the very least is loss of his job…at the most, he could be facing jail time.
Dear Shari,
I’ve been promoted to a project manager position, and I’m scared and excited at the same time. Tell me where to begin.
...Promoted and Puzzled
Dear P & P,
Pretend you’ve just been awarded a new Major League baseball franchise and you need to draft star quality team members. Think about the variety of positions that need to be filled. A team with no pitchers and all outfielders will never play in the World Series. You need quality players at all nine positions. Analyze what you need for each critical position and select players for the unique qualities they bring to each position on the team.
Dear Shari,
My performance appraisal was a blowout. The boss said she hired me to coach, not to play. What does she mean by that?
...In the Penalty Box
Dear PB,
Without more information, I’d guess you’ve committed a common error of first-year coaches. You're probably approaching your job like the quarterback. Your boss wants you to spend more time strategizing and less time on the field. She didn’t hire you to throw passes. It’s time to think more about game plans and less about your personal style and flash.
Dear Shari,
The smartest person in my shop is my Achilles heel…she’s a self-described “rugged individualist.” She hates department picnics, group hugs, and company logo tee shirts. What can I do to turn her around?
...Huggy Bear
Dear Huggy,
Basic personality traits come hard wired. You will never turn a loner into Miss Congeniality. She can learn to work with others on the team because it’s part of her job, but she will always favor a solitary role. That’s who she is. Your Achilles heel is a tennis player, not a beach volleyball enthusiast. She’ll always prefer a clay court to sand between her toes. Next time you hire for her position, look for the traits you need. Test the job candidates for attitudes and aptitudes as well as education and experience.
Dear Shari,
Every time I take a personality profile test, it shows that I’m meticulous, orderly, and a linear thinker. My administrative assistant’s desk looks like someone threw a grenade into the paperwork. She’s the most creative person I know, but her lack of order is offensive to me. What can I do?
...Old Spit and Polish
Dear Spit,
You are clearly upset about the appearance of your assistant’s desk, but you don’t mention anything negative about her performance. In fact, it seems you admire her creativity. If the messy desk is a performance impediment, by all means deal with it. If the disorder simply annoys you because you’re an orderly person, forget it. A creative employee and a linear manager can be a dynamite combination. Work as a team and focus on the positives each of you brings to the workplace.
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ADA-Americans with
Disabilities Act
Dear Shari,
I have a disability which requires reasonable accommodation.
My doctor provided my employer with medical verification, but the boss says the department budget
isn't large enough to provide the equipment I need. Do I have any rights?
…Disabled but Capable
Dear Capable,
Your boss may not have read the fine print in the Americans with Disabilities Act. It is true
an employer can deny reasonable accommodation for a disability if it imposes an undue hardship on the
company, and you haven't indicated how much the equipment will cost.
However, the law looks at the
total financial resources of your organization…not just your individual department's budget.
Ask your employer to reconsider your request in light of total company assets. That's what the
ADA requires. Remember the law also allows less costly options.
3 Tips-
Productive Interviewing
Dear Shari,
Our company is expanding rapidly, and I've been given the task of hiring 10 people. Help! I'm a new manager.
Tell me the most important things I need to know to get good employees. …Novice Manager
Dear Novice,
You need a crash course, so let's hit the big three.
1. Understand the job and write an accurate job description before you see your first candidate. Finding the right employee begins with knowing exactly what you expect this person to do.
2. Test your candidates before you interview. Don't waste valuable interview time with applicants whose skill, aptitudes and attitudes aren't a match for your job.
3. When it's time to interview, let your candidates do the talking. You can't learn anything if you dominate the conversation. A successful interview means the interviewee talks 75% of the time you're together.
Dear Shari,
It's performance evaluation time again, and my employees think
I'm unfair because I refuse to give anyone excellent ratings. Don't you agree
there's always room for improvement? …High Expectations
Dear High,
Let's start with where we agree. Yes, there's always room for improvement. However, you discourage employees
if you tell them nothing they do will ever be good enough to qualify as excellent. I suspect you may have difficulty
defining what constitutes excellent. Give careful thought to your expectations, then set specific standards that
allow your employees to reach the highest rankings. It's OK to make them stretch…it isn't OK to tell them they can
never reach the top.
Dear Shari,
Health insurance gets more expensive every year, and I think my company must be violating some law
by not providing better and less costly coverage. Now they are threatening to drop health insurance altogether.
Where can I report this?…Still Healthy
Dear Healthy,
You may be surprised to learn there is no law that obliges employers to provide health insurance
or any other kind of benefits. Employer-paid health insurance started in the U.S. when wages were frozen.
Companies were looking for alternative ways to reward employees, and insurance payments were a popular
solution. Today, most organizations offer health insurance in order to remain competitive, but they are
not required to do so by law.
Dear Shari,
One of my employees has used all her sick leave and will be going out on maternity leave soon.
She tells me that the Family and Medical Leave Act requires me to pay her while she is out?
Is that true? …Loves Babies
Dear Loves,
The Family and Medical Leave Act requires you to protect this employee's job for a specific
period of time, assuming she meets certain criteria. However, the FMLA does not compel you to pay her for the time off.
If she has exhausted all her paid leave time, you do not have to pay her for this maternity leave.
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Sharon (Shari) Eurich Barnes is Director of Employee Relations for Texas Christian University.
Complementing her human resource career, Ms. Barnes writes for numerous publications,
including the New York Times, Working Mother, Women as Managers and Management Review.
She also conducts private and court-ordered mediations.
In addition to hosting Books in Review on cable television, Ms. Barnes speaks on employment
issues for professional associations and conferences.
Ms. Barnes received her Bachelor's degree from California Baptist University and Master's degree
from Texas Christian University. Among other affiliations, she is a member of the Society for Human
Resource Management, American Society for Training and Development, American Association of
University Women, Fort Worth Human Resource Association Board of Directors (past), College and
University Personnel Association, Fort Worth Mayor's Committee for Disabled Persons, and Tarrant
County Association of Mediators Board of Directors. Ms. Barnes has also been named to Who's Who
Among American Women.
Comments and questions about this article:
Shari Barnes.
The opinions expressed in articles by this author do not necessarily represent
the opinions of MindData. These articles are provided as a means of informing
you of current events and opinions that impact employers and the workplace.
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